Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts: Jack and the Beanstalk

It's Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts, our new series where the title is almost as long as the actual reviews!  We are going to take a look at every RiffTrax Short in the catalog, and write a very brief review on them all.  

Jack and the Beanstalk

(Released February 25, 2019)

The tale of Jack and the Beanstalk is one that has entertained children for two-hundred and eighty five years.  The version in this short, however, has not entertained a single person.

In this version, Jack's cow—named Milky White—stopped giving milk.  Without prompting, Jack decides to sell the now worthless bovine.   On his way to the market, he meets an old man who asks him, "how many beans make five?"  Jack answers, "two in each hand and one in your mouth."  Yeah, I have no idea.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Danger Death Ray

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

We are getting ready for an upcoming filming of some new Bottom Shelf episodes, so I am taking this break from RiffTrax to give you our first new recipe!

Danger Death Ray (Party Cannon)

• 2 oz Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 oz Midori
• 1 oz 99 Bananas
• 1 Lime Popsicle (melted)
• 1/2 can Store Brand Zero Calorie Energy Drink
• 1/4 tsp Blue Curaçao
• Ice

Put your ice in the shaker, and add the vodka, Midori, 99 Bananas, and the melted popsicle.  Shake well.  Add in the energy drink and the curaçao, and gently stir.

Drink one, maybe two to get the party started and your heart rate racing.  Any more than that, and you might just feel like you were blasted by an actual death ray.  Especially the next morning.

RIffTrax Live 2019 Season Movies Announced

Click the image to go fund the Kickstarter!

It's here!  It's finally here!

We now know what this year's RiffTrax Live lineup is, and we know when they are going to go down.

This year's line up is:

• Octaman - April 18
• Star Raiders: The Adventures of Saber Raine - June 6
• The Giant Spider Invasion - August 15

And to make things even better, we will be getting a VoD release of all three shows!

Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts: The Norman Saga

It's Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts, our new series where the title is almost as long as the actual reviews!  We are going to take a look at a RiffTrax Short almost every day this year, until we run out of shorts.  That will get us through the majority of the year, so strap in for madness!

Norman Krasner

(Released November 6, 2013)

Norman Krasner is a guy who is constantly getting crapped on by life.  As seen in Norman Krasner—the first appearance of Norman—he can't even escape it while he is crapping.

Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts: Self-Conscious Guy

It's Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts, our new series where the title is almost as long as the actual reviews!  We are going to take a look at a RiffTrax Short almost every day this year, until we run out of shorts.  That will get us through the majority of the year, so strap in for madness!

Self-Conscious Guy

(Released January 14, 2009)

I have always had an issue with being too self-conscious(usually over my writing), so I was hoping Self-Conscious Guy would help me get over that a little bit.

It did not.

Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts: Shy Guy

It's Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts, our new series where the title is almost as long as the actual reviews!  We are going to take a look at a RiffTrax Short almost every day this year, until we run out of shorts.  That will get us through the majority of the year, so strap in for madness!

Shy Guy

(Released January 5, 2009)

Shy Guy is a prequel to Bewitched, in which we see Darrin before he met Samantha.  He is trying to become a poser at his father's advice.

Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Toyshop

It's Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts, our new series where the title is almost as long as the actual reviews!  We are going to take a look at a RiffTrax Short almost every day this year, until we run out of shorts.  That will get us through the majority of the year, so strap in for madness!

Christmas Toyshop*

(Released December 21, 2008)

It's Christmas Eve.  Time to send the kids to bed for their Christmas Nightmare!  Some might even call it a nightmare before Christmas.

I will not apologize for that.

Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts: Good Eating Habits

It's Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts, our new series where the title is almost as long as the actual reviews!  We are going to take a look at a RiffTrax Short almost every day this year, until we run out of shorts.  That will get us through the majority of the year, so strap in for madness!

Good Eating Habits

(Released October 30, 2008)

Good Eating Habits.  Do you know any?  I thought I knew most of them, but after watching this Short, I can honestly say I learned something new.  I also learned that I hadn't actually watched this Short before today.

With Good Eating Habits, we mostly learn the wrong way to eat food.  Sure, they touch on not eating a bunch of trash, but even then it mostly focuses on how not to eat it.

Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts: Good Health Practices

It's Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts, our new series where the title is almost as long as the actual reviews!  We are going to take a look at a RiffTrax Short almost every day this year, until we run out of shorts.  That will get us through the majority of the year, so strap in for madness!

Good Health Practices

(Released October 23, 2008)

Eating, cleanliness, toilet, and rest/sleep.  These are the cornerstones of Good Health Practices.  And if any one of them is more important than others according to this short, it's definitely toilet.

Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts: Aqua Frolics

It's Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts, our new series where the title is almost as long as the actual reviews!  We are going to take a look at a RiffTrax Short almost every day this year, until we run out of shorts.  That will get us through the majority of the year, so strap in for madness!

Aqua Frolics

(Released September 29, 2008)

The timing for me to be reviewing Aqua Frolics is weirdly perfect.  As I write this, we are coming out of a polar vortex.  For this past week the entire state of Michigan has been shut down.  On Monday, we got almost a foot of snow dumped on us.  Every school and nearly every business was closed.  Tuesday, the schools were still closed.  Then on Wednesday we started getting temperatures around -40°F, and everything was closed.  Consumers Energy urged everyone to lower their thermostats to no higher than 65°F because of a fire at one of the main gas supply stations.  Most schools were closed the rest of the week.  It was crazy.

That brings us to today.  It is a balmy 32°F outside, and my wife has taken the girls to an indoor pool with some friends.  And here I am, reviewing Aqua Frolics.  It's just weird timing.

(I haven't even gotten to the review yet, and this is already the longest one of these I've done!)

Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts: Why Vandalism?

It's Short Reviews of RiffTrax Shorts, our new series where the title is almost as long as the actual reviews!  We are going to take a look at a RiffTrax Short almost every day this year, until we run out of shorts.  That will get us through the majority of the year, so strap in for madness!

Why Vandalism?

(Released July 30, 2008)

The world is cold and twisted, and that's why people are vandals.  That's what Why Vandalism? is all about.