For the last few nights, I have been watching terrible Horror movies released by RiffTrax for this year's Halloween Movie Madness. My brain is feeling a little bit melty now.
I figured, even with this brain mush I've got going on, that I would put them all into a convenient list so you can have your very own RiffTrax Halloween Marathon. Oh, and I've added in some Shorts for good measure.
We're running right out of the gate with this short! Nothing will prepare you more for Halloween than the horrors of seeing Spam being made.
This short is about a couple of boys who decide that they actually want to go see how pigs and cows are processed. Not only do they get to learn about Spam, but they also get to see hot dog filler, the hide cellar, and the tail. Oh God, the tail!
College co-eds, slapstick Toltec sorcerer zombies, and a 68 year old Lash La Rue. Those are the ingredients for the whip-crackin-est horror film of 1985. Sure, most of the whipping that Lash does throughout the movie is at people/dogs/zombies just off-screen, but that doesn't change the fact that whipping is indeed happening.
There is actually one kill in this movie that is pretty cool. The joke made is that John Travolta and Nic Cage made a movie based around the kill. That should give you some idea as to what happens.
A short about what makes us afraid. Like copyright infringement. Or clowns.
Ever wonder what it would be like to grow up with a controlling mother that would put Mommy Dearest to shame? How about if your house was a mortuary? Now, make all of your friends tarantulas. Got that picture in your head? Now throw it out, because it is nowhere near the insanity of this movie.
Susan, the girl in the movie, uses her tarantulas to enact some of the most easily avoidable deaths in movie history. When you can't avoid being killed by a car that isn't even rolling one mile per hour, you probably deserve to be removed from the gene pool, regardless of if you were a jerk or not.
The grand finale for this Halloween marathon is Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare starring Thor. No, not the Prince of Thunder. Jon Mikl Thor. As in the guy from the MST3K classic Zombie Nightmare. Here Thor is the leader of The Tritonz, a Canadian hair metal band.
The Tritonz go to a rural house to record some new music. Of course, there are demons there and they want to kill everyone and take over the world. Can Thor defeat the demons? Just wait until the final showdown. And no, it's not an epic guitar duel. Ever see someone wrestle with a stuffed animal? It's just like that, but worse.
Have fun subjecting these to as many people as you possibly can this Halloween season!
As always, I like to stress the importance of buying these riffs. Mike, Bill, Kevin, and the rest of the writers (like Conor, Molly, and the other Mike) work really hard to bring this level of entertainment to us all. These are the poor souls who have to sit and watch these movies over and over again without the benefit of the riffs. That is more than worth the extremely reasonable price tags on these movies. And if you do get these riffs by other means, you can still throw some money their way by heading to the donations page.
Another great way to support these guys is by going to the RiffTrax Live events. There is still one more live show this year. It is an alternate version of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. It has a different movie in the middle than their previously released version. It will be in theaters two nights only: December 3 and 15. Get your tickets now!
