Bottom Shelf Mixology Rejected NFL Drinks: AFC North

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  Our staff of Mixologists have racked their brains (and livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

It's the third week of the NFL season, and that means it is time for part three of our eight part series of Rejected NFL Drinks.  We are going to have a rejected drink for every team in the league, and we're going through a division at a time.

Today, we're going through the AFC North.

Baltimore Ravens

• 2 oz Old Crow Whiskey
• 1.5 oz Clam Juice
• 1 oz Cocktail Sauce

Mix the whiskey and clam juice together first.  Then spoon in the cocktail sauce.

Drink, and remember the other three teams in this article are all doing better than your team.

Pittsburgh Steelers

• 40 oz Steel Reserve
• 12 oz Heinz 57
• 6 oz Relish
• Green Glow Sticks 

In a punch bowl, mix the beer, sauce, and relish.  When serving, stick an activated glow stick in the glass to give it that nice warm waste glow.

After drinking this, you'll only be able to go for two, just like the Steelers!

Cleveland Browns

A.K.A. The Skid Mark

• 12 oz Blatz Beer
• 1 Smoked Kielbasa
• 2 oz Gordon's Vodka
• 1/4 tsp Liquid Smoke
• 1 Tbsp Tomato Paste
• 1/4 Tbsp Molasses
• Boiled Cabbage

This is the Cleveland Polish Boy in drink form!

Mix all of the ingredients together, and garnish with the kielbasa.

Just looking at the recipe will remind you to feel bad about being a Browns fan.

Cincinnati Bengals

A.K.A. The Boom-Boom

• 1 can Skyline Chili
• 2 oz Sambuca
• Finely Shredded Cheddar Cheese

Open the can of chili.

Scoop some of it out.

Fill the hole with the sambuca.

Top with cheese.

Shoot it back.

This will do to your colon what Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus did to the Volscians, Aequians, and Sabines!

Up next: the NFC North.

Previous Divisions:

AFC East

NFC East