Bottom Shelf Mixology: Infamous Drinks Through History Pt. 1

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  
 

Today, we have two special Bottom Shelf Mixology recipes that we recently discovered in the annals of history.

Ivan the Terrible

• 3 oz. Nikolai Vodka
• 6 oz. Beet juice

Mix together in anything you have nearby that will hold a liquid, and drink.  For more authentic borscht-ness, put a dollop of warm sour cream into the drink.

Fun Fact: This drink was originally conceived as a way to keep beet juice from freezing in the middle of long Soviet Russia winter*.

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The Hindenburg (Rüdesheimer Kaffee)

• 4 oz. E & J VO Brandy
• 12 oz. dark roast gas station coffee 
• 4 sugar packets (also can be from gas station)

Pour the brandy into a tall shot glass.  Stir in the sugar packets.  Next, you need to light the shot while screaming in horror.  Make ABSOLUTELY SURE to blow out the shot before adding the contents of the shot glass to your coffee.

Drink and weep for humanity.

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*That is absolutely not true.

Marvel's Avengers: Age of Ultron Teaser Trailer is Here

This is the trailer that was supposed to premier next week during Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., but it was leaked a bit early.  Marvel then went ahead and officially posted it on YouTube, after heading to Twitter and ousting the group behind the leak.

Dammit, Hydra.
— Marvel Entertainment (@Marvel) October 22, 2014

Anyway, here is the trailer. (SPOILER ALERT: It's awesome!)

All Donkey Kong Country & Land Games Headed to Nintendo eShop

Nintendo of Europe sent out a very interesting tweet regarding Donkey Kong Country Weeks, an upcoming sale period where you can save on digital copies of Donkey Kong Country Returns 3D and Donkey Kong Country Tropical Freeze.  All you need to do to save is buy some other Donkey Kong games that are coming to the eShop.

Click to embiggen.

Take a close look at the bottom part of those images.  Those are the six Donkey Kong games released by Nintendo and Rare on the SNES and Game Boy.  Starting this Thursday (in Europe, at least), these classic titles will start showing up on the Virtual Console for the Wii U and 3DS.

There has been no word on a NA release as of yet, but we will keep you updated if that changes.

Coming to Town December 4 - RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus

Thanks to an early listing by a theater chain (and confirmed to me by RiffTrax), this year's Christmas RiffTrax Live show has been revealed!

This year, the guys will be bringing us Santa Claus. This is the 1959 Mexican production of the movie, and that makes me unreasonably excited!  They riffed this movie back on the MST3K days, and it is one of my favorite episodes.

It was also the movie I wanted them to do the most for this year's live Christmas show.

As soon as tickets for this one go on sale (which is likely to be October 30, when the Anaconda Live show comes out), you should buy them.   This one is guaranteed to be great!

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Dingy Cosmopolitan

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  
 

Dingy Cosmopolitan

• 4 oz. Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 can of Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash
• 1 piece orange jelly candy

A few hours before you have this drink, you need to open the can of Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash and let it sit on the counter.  You want it to be nice and flat.

After the drink is no longer carbonated, you are ready to mix your drink.  Grab the rest of your gallon of Crystal Palace, and get yourself four ounces.  Pour that into your glass.  Dump in the can of flat Sierra Mist.  Garnish the glass with the orange jelly candy.

This drink is best enjoyed during ABC's Thursday Night lineup.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Almond Flümgorp

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Almond Flümgorp

• 2 oz. DeKuyper Amaretto
• 2 oz. Crystal Palace Vodka
• 1 Maraschino Cherry

You must use a glass for this drink, as it will melt both styrofoam and plastic cups.  While talking in your best Swedish Chef voice, pour the amaretto in a glass and drop in the cherry.  Quickly add the Crystal Palace, and try to avoid skin contact.

Do not underestimate this drink.  If you do, the Crystal Palace could blind you before you know what happened.  Then it will ransack your house, steal your car, and drop you off in someone's backyard, leaving you to wake up on a random trampoline trying to figure out what happened.  After you start to come out of the haze, you will experience something akin to the Hangover movies, but not as funny, and with a lot more police involvement.

The inspiration for the name comes from this article about reading stuff.  Go read it.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Jersey Mojito

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Jersey Mojito

• 2 oz. Barton White Rum
• 2 oz. Mint Schnapps
• 1 can store brand diet lemon-lime soda
• 1 handful of sugar packets 
• Ice

A normal mojito usually only has about ten percent alcohol by volume, but that isn't enough for a true Bottom Shelfer.  To kick things up a notch, we will be using mint schnapps instead of mint leaves.   Pour in your mint schnapps into a tall glass.  Add the contents of some of the sugar packets, and stir.  Put in a few ice cubes (you don't want to fill the glass with ice, because you want to be able to pour in as much soda as possible).  Grab your bottle of Barton Rum that you have left over from the Chunky Piña Colada, and pour about two ounces into your glass.  Fill with your diet lemon-lime soda.

This drink is best enjoyed in Richland, New Jersey (also briefly known as Mojito, New Jersey).

Bottom Shelf Mixology: Chunky Piña Colada

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

Chunky Piña Colada

• 2 oz. Barton Light Rum
• 1 - 8 oz. can of crushed pineapple in syrup (heavy or light)
• 2 oz. coconut milk
• 1/2 cup ice

It's time to enjoy that most wondrous of all tropical drinks: the piña colada!

The rum, coconut milk, ice, and the syrup from the can of pineapple all go into a blender.  Mix well.

Pour the pineapple chunks into your glass.  Then, pour the contents of the blender over the chunks.  Stir well.

We suggest eating this one with a spoon.

Bottom Shelf Mixology Rejects

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

As a special treat today, I have a sort of behind the scenes look at our "creative process" for you.

The following recipes were deemed by me and Russ (and our unpaid intern) to be so foul that we couldn't put them with our other original creations.  That actually says a lot about them, because our other original creations are mostly terrible.  These, however, are the demon drinks we somehow summoned from the depths of the abyss.

Bottom Shelf Mixology: White Trash Screwdriver

Welcome to Bottom Shelf Mixology™!  We have racked our brains (and our livers) to come up with special "bottom shelf" versions of popular drinks, and some original creations that range from "oh, that might be interesting" to "that sounds absolutely disgusting".  

White Trash Screwdriver

• 1 gallon SunnyD
• 10 oz. Popov Vodka

Pour some of the SunnyD into a pitcher or bowl.  Dump about ten ounces of Popov in.  Honestly though, it doesn't matter how much you pour in.  Look at it like you are seasoning some food to taste.  Pour as much in as you can stand.  The stronger it is, the less time spent on worrying about how bad it tastes!

This one is great for those long nights spent by yourself, playing an online game.  Extra points if it's your birthday!